Next week will mark one year since my wife and I lost our daughter Belle, as you can imagine it’s been a challenging year, we’re both still standing and standing solidly together.
We aren’t the same people we were; I’d say that we are stronger and view life very differently. We both feel that life is to be fully lived and unapologetically so.
But, out of all the bad stuff, some good stuff has come, this blog being one of them, but I’d like to talk about a different one today……
My wife and I were at my brother and sister-in-law’s house for a BBQ, after the inevitable sausage gobbling had ceased my sister-in-law showed me an article she had read online about a football team for bereaved dads that was associated with the charity Sands.
This peaked my interest, I’d been looking to get involved in some team sport and this looked like the best thing for it… The article explained that there were various teams around the country who train weekly and play regular charity matches, this would be perfect for me because as most of you are aware, I’m a busy fella!
I did some research and found that there was a team in Ashby who train on a Wednesday, this was perfect, a good location and a good day, I made some enquiries, got the details and next thing I knew I was heading up the motorway for my first training session.
I pulled into the car park, which was as full as the last bus, so I had to find a space outside the main car park… Not a bad thing as, believe it or not I’m an introvert, I struggle with new people so this would give me the opportunity to psych myself up to introduce myself.
I jumped out the truck and one of the lads had spotted me and kindly waited for me, he introduced himself and shook my hand, we chatted briefly as we walked in, he was a great bloke. I believe it speaks volumes when someone can identify that you are new and struggling and take the time to make you feel welcome.
When I walked onto the pitch the rest of the guys made themselves known and were incredibly welcoming, they all shook my hand and welcomed me… We all then had a bloody good kick about!
I ran my nuts off, like I hadn’t for a long time and I bloody loved it! More than I can describe. It felt great to be involved in something with people who got it!
I’m going to pause here for a moment, I will get back to my first session as I have a lot more to say, but I need to explain what I mean by “people who get it”….
When I became part of the club I was added to three WhatsApp groups.
- Sands United FC Ashby – Football Only – This group is for updates on training and matches… No Banter Allowed!
- Sands United FC Ashby – Chat – This one is for all your chat, jokes, banter and dog videos
- Sands United FC Ashby – Support – The most important one, this group is there if you need help… help with anything, if you’re struggling you can reach out and these guys are there. If you need advice, just stick it in the group and these guys have got you, they also remember your special anniversaries so when you’re feeling at your most vulnerable, the whole team makes it known that they have got your back!
The team is built up of a bunch of incredibly strong human beings, blokes who have been to hell and back and lived to tell the tale, they’ve been through potentially the worst thing that can ever happen to you and have made it their business to help others who need it. True Heroes!
All the club members are bereaved dads, be that through the loss of a child, miscarriage, TFMR, still birth or neonatal death. Every Wednesday these lads get together, kick a ball around, go for a beer and shoot the breeze. This is male therapy at its best.
“Men struggle to open up when face to face the best conversations are had shoulder to shoulder!”
Anyway…. Back to my first training session… I was running my nuts off, loving every minute of it, next thing I know one of the lads attempts some sort of Lionel Messi skill and fluffs it up good and proper, then, a scream of:
“What are you doing you C***!?!”
With the response of…. “Oh F*** off, someone’s got to do something!!!”
At that moment I knew I needed this! I can’t explain why this was the moment, but before that exchange of profanities I didn’t know I needed it so much! Just a bunch of blokes running around, being there for each other and being true to themselves and everyone else! You know….? A TEAM!
After the session I hung around with a couple of the lads and chatted, I also managed to speak more with the chap who waited for me at the start, we exchanged stories, tough ones, the kind you wish you could rewrite, but you can’t, so instead we say goodbye as new mates, proper ones!
It doesn’t stop there either. The whole group has become something I didn’t realise I needed, bloody good mates, proper support! Once or twice I’ve called on these fella’s and every time they’ve been there, not just in support for mental health but support in charity work, business and encouragement.
They are without a doubt the biggest supporters of this blog, they share my posts every week, like the stuff I do and give me feedback every single week! True support and I can’t thank them enough!
I’m now a fully-fledged member of the team, rocking the bright blue and pink kit… real men wear pink, no question. But it’s not about the colour. Under the badge is a name, the name of our Angels. That’s the important part, a reminder of who we’re carrying with us, why we show up and why we give it our all!
Thank you, to the lads who show up week in, week out and make it what it is. To the people behind the scenes who keep it running. And most importantly, to our Angels. The reason we’re all there.
It’s a strange thing… something so sad bringing together something so good. But that’s exactly what it is.
If you’re a bereaved dad and you’ve stumbled across this, maybe wondering if there’s something out there for you, there is. Have a look for your local Sands United FC team. You don’t need to be fit, you don’t need to be a footballer, and you don’t need to speak.
All you need to do, is just to turn up.
This one’s for the SUFC boys! Thanks Fellas I love you all!
Take it easy.
TM
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