First of all, Apologies for the cringey AI title image…
As you are reading this I am in Lisbon, celebrating my 40th birthday….. FOUR BLOODY ZERO! I can’t quite believe it… I remember being a kid and finding out that a family member was turning 40 and thinking, Wow, they’re old…. Now that’s me! My niece’s and nephews are probably thinking the same!
When you’re young you never think you’re going to be old, you don’t understand that time moves on and so do you. As far as you’re concerned, you will remain young forever, you will be capable of doing everything you can do at that time and that will be that, truth is, it doesn’t work like that.
I’ve probably heard people say something like the following hundreds of times:
“If I knew back then what I know now…”
We all wish we could do this, go back in time and give our younger selves some advice… so for fun and because it’s my birthday, I’m going to write a list of what forty year old me would tell twenty year old me. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be boring with things like investments and quit drinking.
Here goes:
- See the world and find out where you fit in.
I was lucky really, By the time I was 20 I was fairly well travelled, my parents had a passion for travel and had taken my brother and I with them, however, when it was my turn to travel off my own back I lacked the confidence and stuck to the package holidays and safe destinations. I have few regrets, but I would have liked to have taken the risk and backpacked across parts of the globe and bummed it around somewhere, earning my keep pulling pints in bars or something. I feel I would have fit right in, working in some beach bar, maybe because I’m using the movie Cocktail as reference…. Cus that’s real life right?? However, it’s never too late, maybe someday I’ll go vagabonding… I could be some old Hemmingway type fella, earning a crust at the harbour by day and living it up in some divey tiki beach bar by night, drinking beer and rum while I listen to Jimmy Buffet on an old record player that the bar has. The holiday makers would come and go but I would remain part of the furniture….
I feel it is important to see the world and find where you belong, it’s a big place this world of ours and who’s to say we belong where we are born? The only way to find out is to travel and the easiest way to do it is when you are young and you don’t have a mortgage!
- Be confident and don’t be afraid to fail.
I am generally a risk taker, but more so now… It did take me a long time to realise that failing isn’t the end of the world and all you’re doing is learning.
“You’re either winning or you’re learning”
I feel the sooner you learn this the sooner you get on in life, once you accept that failing is part of the journey your development accelerates! The fear of failure is crippling on your development, operating with the mantra of “what’s the worst that could happen?” is liberating! Because really what is the worst that can happen with most things? You cock it up… then you fix it or do it again, knowing something you didn’t know before!
Don’t wait to be ready either, brutal truth is, you never will be, figure it out along the way!!
- Be sure to take a break to look after your mental health.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I used to think that depression was made up, all you needed to do was cheer up, simple as that!! (I know, how wrong was I!?) I didn’t realise that your mood can be a result of your lifestyle, your brain is a tool that if it isn’t taken care of can, just like a car, break down…
I have been guilty of going too hard for too long! (To all the mucky sods, this is not a euphemism) but I will work longer than I should without having a minute to rest, I will set myself ambitious goals and keep going until they are achieved, giving little thought to my relationships and mental health.
For example… A few years ago I built a loft conversion on our house, working all the daylight and dry hours to build a bedroom on top of our house and once the sun had gone down, I’d sit down at my computer to keep the plates of the business spinning , I would sit there working until my wife would plead that I got off the computer and come and sit down… I did this for 4 months, then once my mate had finished working with me on the exterior I was left alone to the interior…. By this time I couldn’t neglect my day job like I was any longer, so I would spend the weekdays at JFW Ltd and all weekend working in the loft, I worked solidly until the weekend before our daughter arrived.
I didn’t give myself any time to relax, it frankly broke me I was a shadow of my former self and couldn’t figure out a way back… Having a beautiful new born daughter in my arms was the best thing to ever happen to me and I was over the moon, but deep down I was very flat.
I’d hammered my body and brain and continued to do so over the remaining 6 months after she was born as work was crazy busy! I worked pretty much the whole of my paternity leave for crying out loud!!
However with the help of my wonderful patient wife, incredible family and friends and also some counselling I pulled myself back!
I am now in a good place, I have my methods, I still struggle to see the signs, but I do now realise the importance of taking it easy when things feel too much!
- Don’t worry what others think.
I spent far too much time worrying what others thought of me, I still do sometimes, but thankfully I am improving.
The reality is, most people aren’t thinking about you anywhere near as much as you think they are. They’ve got their own stuff going on, their own worries and troubles.
And if someone is that bothered about what you’re doing… that says more about them than it ever will about you.
So ultimately, live your life your way, be yourself and do what you want to do, when you want to do it if situations allow.
- Be yourself.
Following on from the above, just do you! Don’t be shamed because you like something, listen to that music, watch that movie, drink that drink or kiss that girl!
Be unapologetic about it too, we’re all different and it’s hard to be someone you’re not, plus everyone sees through it and won’t respect you half as much as they would if you was the genuine version of yourself.
It takes a long time to figure out the type of person you are anyway, so don’t waste your time pretending and lean into who you are and get there quicker, you’ll be much happier when you do!!
- Keep fit and stretch.
Keeping fit is a given, I’ve always maintained a level of fitness so I wouldn’t need to preach this too much to myself, but what I do wish, is that I’d spent more time on my mobility!
I think being supple is a super power, I can’t express how hard life can be with stiff muscles and how hard it is to stretch those tight muscles after years of neglect!!
Had I kept up with my mobility my April challenge in 2022 wouldn’t have been so bad…
- You’re capable of so much more than you think.
You can go longer and further than you ever thought possible. Times will be so hard sometimes, you’ll feel like you’re living in a never ending cycle of HARD! It will end, it always does and as my grandad used to say:
“It aint always dark at six”
The hard times will pass just like the good times will, but you are strong enough to weather the storm of the hard times, just be sure to rest once it’s over.
- Celebrate the small wins
Enjoy the small moments, the final goal can be a long way off, so celebrate the small achievements you have along the way, also that end goal isn’t always the end of it all… Your list is never completed, so don’t get stressed out trying to complete it, it’s a growing and evolving thing, just like your life goals.
- Family and Friends are all.
This needs no explanation,
Make time for your mates, Keep Thirsty Thursday alive you will always need it!
Spend time with your family, listen to all your mum and dad has to say, they actually have the answers, be there for your brother and when you meet your wife, let her in and allow her to help you!
Your daughter only wants your time so give it to her. When she says:
“Play with me Daddy”
You’re only response should be yes! Everything else will wait!
In two days time I’ll be turning 40 (at the time of posting), which means I’ll be doing what I always do on my Birthday, kicking back with my traditional Birthday Brooklyn Beer, this time however, I’ll take a moment to reflect… and probably wonder how I got here so quickly.
I appreciate you all.
Go well and Happy Birthday To ME!
TM
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