The other night, after Mrs TimberMane and I had completed the bedtime routine we settled down to watch TV until neither of us could keep our eyes open any longer, we stuck on Netflix, specifically The Manosphere by Louis Theroux.
I’ll be honest, I had an idea of what to expect, and that was to get wound up! I was right, but it also got me thinking, not in an angry way, but in a way that kept going over and over in my mind for a few days. So, I’d like to respectfully talk about it.
The world is very different now, especially compared to when I was growing up. There’s a narrative going around saying that young men are the problem and that something has gone wrong.
I don’t really agree with that, young lads are still young lads… They’ve got energy, they’ve got testosterone pumping through them with plenty to spare!! They want to move, to push, test themselves and figure out where they fit into this crazy world.
But, we ask them to sit still, all day at school… then they come home and they’re on their devices and sitting still some more.
“Back in my day…” there were outlets for that energy, youth clubs, sports, places to go and things to do, now… Not so much. Budget cuts and changing priorities for whatever reasons have caused those outlets to be fewer and far between, and if you take those pressure valves away, the pressure doesn’t disappear… It builds!
Then it gets more confusing, because alongside all of this, young lads are being told that, (sometimes directly and sometimes subtly) that parts of who they are aren’t quite right. That their natural instincts, their drive, passions, competitiveness and their need to prove themselves might be….. TOXIC!
I struggle with that, because I feel that masculinity itself isn’t toxic and it never has been. Those traits of protecting, providing, standing your ground and looking after your people have been engrained in men over thousands of years, they’re not flaws they’re who they are… But they need direction.
Problem is, the world has changed faster than we have, we live in a safer modern world (most of the time) which is fantastic! But the traits that once had clear purpose doesn’t have an obvious place now, and, in the words of John Rambo…. “YOU JUST DON’T TURN IT OFF!!”
So, lads are left feeling things that they don’t understand and being told those feelings are wrong. That’s a tough place to be.
Then, into the gap come the “Role Models” the loudest voices… The ones on YouTube, Instagram and podcasts saying things that resonate and they resonate for a reason.
They tell young men it’s ok to feel how you feel, to back yourself and become the best version of yourself and that’s powerful! But then it goes wrong, to use another movie quote, “With great power comes great responsibility” instead of guiding, they divide.
Instead of building these young lads up properly they find blame for that frustration, often towards women… and that’s where it get’s messed up! Because that isn’t strength, it isn’t leadership and it’s definitely not what these young chaps need!!
Watching these people made me think about responsibility and where it lies…. Because if young lads are looking for role models, which they are, whether they know it or not, we can’t complain who they are looking to if we’re not stepping up ourselves.
So, if you’re a dad, an uncle, a coach or a mate you’re needed whether you realise it or not. What you do speaks volumes, your words mean something and your example matters.
It isn’t about shutting down masculinity; it’s more about shaping it… We should be showing our son’s that strength isn’t loud and obnoxious, it controlled… That respect isn’t weakness, it’s the standard we should live by and, most importantly women aren’t the enemy, they are our equals.
However, if you have a daughter, you have an even bigger job!
Because you have to show her what she should expect from a man, she needs to know what being treated right looks like and what isn’t OK.
I don’t think it’s all knackered, but I do think there is a gap, and that gap is currently being filled by the wrong type of person. So, the good people need to step up and be better than what is on offer now.
We can’t let the wrong voices shape the next generation. We need to be the kind of men that make the next generation better, to do that we need to be there and be the example!
Be better for the young’uns
TM
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