Marriage certainly has it’s challenges, but living with someone who operates on a completely different time zone is one of the most challenging!
I’m not talking about actual global time zones, I’m talking about body clocks. Because my wife is a morning person and I am very much not a morning person.
At 6 am my wife is up, full of energy, cheerful and happy, whereas I resemble one of those proof of life video’s that kidnappers send the police!
Now, please bear with me on this one, many of you are going to disagree with me but I feel I must take a stand for my fellow Owls… Because, you see, the world operates to the schedule of the early starters.
People boast about it, slogans like “win the morning win the day” Joco Willink and his 4 am club, if you start early you’re disciplined and on the road to success and you’re congratulated for it.
However, work late on a project to get it finished, or stay up all till 1 am to have a bit of chill time and you’re inefficient with your time and lazy….
Bold statements I know but lets look at it from the opposite end of the telescope, early birds are up getting the worms and getting it done, and fair play to them, however, the Night Owls are productive too, just at different times. Productivity isn’t exclusive to the morning. While the early birds are ticking off their jobs, the night owls might be having breakfast with their kids and walking them to school, they’re enjoying a slower start before they really get going later in the day.
The more times I travel around the sun I realise that productivity isn’t about what time you start, it’s about what you do with the hours you’re awake. Some people do their best work before breckie, other’s do it after everyone is in bed.
I am very much an Owl in a Larks world, the Construction Industry is full of early starters, I’ve learned to assimilate myself into it somehow, where I don’t start as early as the lads in the workshop I do get in a lot earlier than I would like, because I have realised that those earlier hours are precious, and I am very productive. However, I am also laser focused at 4.30 pm onwards, so my ideal work day would be 0645 – 1100 then break until 1600 – 2100 however, I digress and society wouldn’t allow this and that’s a conversation for another blog….
The issues start when a morning lark marries a night owl. One of you believes that 5.30am is full of opportunity, the other thinks it’s an unreasonable time to be conscious. Somehow, despite viewing time in completely different ways, you’re expected to organise a life together.
You see, I’m happy easing into the day with a strong black coffee and a bit of peace, but my wife is on her second task and attempting serious conversations which need more attention from me than I am able to offer.
The morning isn’t the only battlefield, as the day goes by the balance of power gradually shifts….
It’s 8pm, the little lady is in bed and it’s our time to be together, as other parents will understand you dream of this moment all day.
My wife and I are big film people, we bonded over movies when we first got together, going to watch them is our thing and we love a bit of home cinema. We watch a movie, talk about it and share trivia, it’s our thing.
So, as you can imagine, watching a movie is our go to thing in the evening. We are lucky, we agree very quickly, we don’t faff around for ages trying to decide, we say what we want to watch and agree…. Marriage goals or what!?!?
However, 40 minutes into the efficiently selected film and I look over and there she is, the most beautiful girl in the world, the love of my life… Head back, eyes shut and mouth open catching flies…. I nudge her and she jumps and swears to me she wasn’t asleep, it was merely a long blink.
That phrase has stuck by the way:
“Can we rewind it a bit, I must have had a long blink…”
She will also passionately protest against my accusation of sleeping through the movie, despite there being overwhelming evidence of her offence, caught red handed you might say, yet she remains adamant she wasn’t asleep!
Now it can take us a couple of evenings to watch a movie, I think it took 3 nights to watch Dune Part 2, not ideal but at least we got to watch it!
Thing is neither of us is doing anything wrong. She’s exhausted because she’s been making the most of the day since the early hours, while I’ve still got a couple of good hours left in the tank. We simply experience the same 24 hours in completely different ways.
Marriage can’t always be easy, like anything good in this world it requires effort. It isn’t about finding someone exactly like you, it’s about finding someone different and growing to appreciate the things that make them who they are and loving them more for it….
Even if they do sleep through half the films…
Take it Easy.
TM
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