How Do You Explain Death to a Three-Year-Old?

Some of the best conversations I have are with my daughter while she is sat in the back seat of my truck, her curiosity is infinite! The questions she hits me with are born from pure, innocent wonder.

The other day we went a different way to Pre-school, we went via a large hill which offers stunning views out over the countryside, from the top of the hill she announces:

“Daddy, I can see the sea!!”

“Not quite darling” I reply, and then follow on with one of the biggest Dad Facts in my arsenal… “From this hill you can see another hill, and from that hill you can see another hill, and from that hill you can see the sea!! My Grandad told your Grandad that who then told me!”

She pondered this for a moment and asked:

“you got a grandad?”

“I used to have two” I replied.

“What’s he like? Is he big?” she asked.

“To me he was, he had big ears and long legs! And loved to play cards.” I answered.

With each response I could see her little face contemplating all the info, processing it and wondering which question of the potentially hundred she was going to ask me.

“You got a Nanny as well?”

“Yes, I have GreatMa and your Grandads Mummy” I said.

Her interrogation continued. “Oh…. What’s Grandad’s mummy like? Your Nanny?”

She was a beautiful little and cuddly lady, who used to knit scarecrows and make the best chips ever… You know your woolly scarecrows?”

“Yeah…”

“Well she knitted them.”

Then she paused for a moment, looked out the window, obviously thinking about what to ask next… Then she hit me with it…

“Can I see them?”

Uh-oh I thought…..

“Erm, you can see a picture but you can’t meet them, sorry sweetheart…”

“Why??” –  Which is word of the year at the moment!

What do I say?? I wasn’t prepared for this now turned tough conversation at 7.25 on a Monday morning… My policy has always been to be open and up-front with my kids, tell the truth – except about the ice cream man… she is going to be gutted when she realises they haven’t ran out of ice cream when the tune is playing and that Daddy lied!

What was I going to say? Nothing for it but the truth….

“They died darlin’”

“What’s, Died?”

Ah crap, can of worms well and truly opened!

“It’s like going to sleep and not waking up… I MEAN…. Sort of, but only when you’re really old…. So it’s ok to go to sleep….”

I was making a complete meal of this! I rallied my thoughts took a deep breath and said:

“You know you are three?” I asked

“Yeah… I’m not two anymore, I’m a big girl”

“Yes you are,  and that means you have been alive for 3 years, now my Granny and Grandad had been alive for well over 80 years, and they were really tired and had lived for a long time. So because they were so tired they went to sleep, but they won’t wake up from that sleep because they are so tired that they can’t, and that is what happens when you die. Does that make sense?”

“Erm yeah.”

PHEW I thought! Dodged a bullet there… Not only that, I was impressed by my attempt at explaining one of life’s mysteries to a toddler, lucky I didn’t get the follow up question of where do you go afterwards.

I walked her into Pre-school, high fived and gave her a cuddle goodbye and went to work.

Later that day when we got home I asked her “Do you remember what we said about dying this morning on the way to preschool??”

She paused for a moment to think and said:

“No…..” and walked off…..

Kids eh!?

Take it easy!

TM

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