Keep Your Pumpkin Spice, Autumn is All About Bonfire Night

September has gone, not sure where, but it is gone… We’re now well and truly into October. Depending on your viewpoint, we have had a banging summer and El Nino seems to be ensuring we have warm temperatures right up to time of writing!

I for one love it HOT! So I’ve been very happy with what we’ve been given this year. Yeah, I understand it’s been tough for the farmers, the Fire Service have been overwhelmed with bush and forest fires, so much so that Mr Burnham thought it would be funny to make us all think nuclear war was upon us on a Friday evening.

Luckily for him I was two beers deep at my brother’s house with the whole family. If we were going to be vaporised, there would be no better situation…

I was fine with it!

However, there was no “Full Send” or tactical strike, just the possibility of some dumb arseholes thinking it would be a good idea to have a BBQ on grass that hadn’t seen a drop of water since June!

Anyway, I digress…

We’re now into the depths of autumn, albeit a mild one. You might think this would be a typical British summer, but compared with what we’ve had it’s a shock to the system and, dare I say it…

Cold.

But as you know I bloody love autumn.

The mornings are colder. The smell in the air changes, the leaves start turning, you can see your breath again and all of a sudden a pint of amber ale next to an open fire sounds more appealing than a lager in a beer garden.

The trees put on one final spectacular show before packing it in for the upcoming winter. The nights draw in, and you dig out a coat you haven’t seen for six months and now you aren’t short of dog poo bags any more!

Autumn in Britain is bloody Brilliant!

Unfortunately someone appears to have invited America….

Because no sooner has the first leaf started to change that every high street shop in the country starts pedalling pumpkin spice like it’s crack!

Pumpkin spiced coffee’s.

Pumpkin spiced candles.

Pumpkin spiced cakes.

Blummin pumpkin spiced everything!

I won’t be partaking in any of the mention spiced products. In this writers increasingly grumpy opinion, it’s just another Americanism we don’t need!

They can keep it! Along with Taco Bell and their version of Halloween!

Yes, I am aware that Halloween isn’t actually American!

It’s roots go way back, including the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain and traditions originating in these British Isles, the US didn’t invent Halloween…

But they ruined it!

The Halloween we seem to be importing now isn’t exactly a quiet Celtic festival marking the end of harvest is it?

It’s 12 foot inflatable skeletons flapping in the wind, plastic cobwebbing covering gardens, “spooky” sound machines that are triggered as you walk by and enough plastic tat filling shops to last a thousand Halloweens let alone one!

But look, live and let live…

The kids love Halloween… but they’re gunna, there are sweets involved! Mind you, some adults love it too much, but like I say, live and let live!

It’s obvious, I clearly have a problem with Halloween.

But Halloween existing isn’t what really makes my wee wee itch. It’s the fact that every year it seems to get bigger, while one of my favourite autumn traditions gets pushed further into the shadows.

Bonfire Night.

And THAT I take personally.

Bonfire Night is one of those wonderfully peculiar British traditions…

Every year we wait until it’s absolutely freezing, stand in a muddy field in the dark, gather around an enormous controlled fire, burn a stuffed dummy, eat burgers, hot dogs and pork rolls and watch somebody fire explosives into the sky.

Then we go to the pub!

How could anything be any better!?

Sadly, a lot of village displays have disappeared. Probably down to some sort of insurance or health and safety restriction…

Pubs closing at an alarming rate hasn’t helped matters either.

Meanwhile Halloween seems to get bigger every year.

I’m not blaming Halloween for pubs closing, I don’t think Starbucks selling Pumpkin spiced lattes are stealing sales from your local pub. But culturally it does feel like one tradition is booming while another is slowly fading away.

This really bothers me, because I don’t want everything to become Americanised. I don’t want autumn to just mean pumpkin spice, Black Friday and spending a fortune on decorations so my house looks like the ghost train at the fair!

I want Bonfire Night.

I want community displays.

I want the smell of woodsmoke.

I want a pint of ale afterwards.

I want kids to experience standing in a field staring upwards while fireworks explode above them as they sup a hot chocolate and eat a toffee apple or candy floss!

Yes you heard me! Toffee Apple and Candy Floss!!! Not Candied apple or Cotton Candy!!

Now, I know there’s another side to this.

Fireworks scare the shit out of some dogs and other animals. Wildlife doesn’t have a clue why the sky has suddenly started exploding. There are environmental concerns, rubbish gets left behind and there’s always some idiot who thinks 11:47pm on a Tuesday is the perfect time to launch the loudest rocket ever from his back garden.

I’m not suggesting we spend the whole of November recreating the Battle of the Somme.

But Bonfire Night is one night.

The Fifth of November….. remember!?

Organised displays, sensible times, a bit of consideration for the people and animals around us. Surely there’s still room for that? Because traditions matter.

Not because everything old is automatically brilliant or because nothing should ever change. Traditions matter because they’re little markers throughout our lives.

Bonfire Night reminds me of being a kid. It reminds me of Mum and Dad having little displays in the back garden…. Rockets in milk bottles and catherine wheels that were nailed in too hard so they didn’t spin. My brother and mate on a village pub crawl and cold November nights.

And now I get to create those memories with my own family.

That’s what I’d hate to lose.

I love autumn. I love watching the trees change colour. I love the first cold morning. I love getting outside when the air has that unmistakable autumn smell.

I love an amber ale beside a roaring pub fire.

But I bloody hate Halloween!!

Autumn belongs to Bonfire Night!

Happy Autumn everyone.

Now go get an amber ale in ya!

Take it easy.

TM

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